Eli's Birth Story

I’ve officially decided it is easier to blog when I’m not working. It is definitely the farthest thing from my mind the majority of the time. And then I have some time on my hands and decide maybe I could do something like write a post. So here I am once again with a bit of time on my hands, but also a lot on my mind and in my heart that I’d like to record in some way.

If you haven’t been living under a rock for the last 9 months or so you’ll know that our family was blessed with a little miracle, our son Eli on April 20th at 12:51 p.m. Tonight I want to tell his story. I figure it's way past time that I even mention him on here, but it is what it is.

Almost exactly a year ago Jake and I decided we were ready to start trying to have kids. We knew there was more materially we should and could do to prepare, but emotionally we reached the point where we knew it was time to start what we anticipated to be a long process.

I got more serious about my health, determined not to let my weight be a barrier to starting our family. I read articles and found apps to help guide us through the process. I faithfully took my body temperature and tracked my ovulation like a hawk tracking its prey before the kill. If you know me, once I set my mind to something, I am all in. I don’t like to mess around, to take chances. I like to be in control as much as humanly possible. I wanted to be sure I was doing absolutely everything I possibly could to help us realize our dream.

After being unsuccessful the first month, I experienced a whole wave of emotions. To be perfectly honest, I was devastated. The amount of waiting time involved in the process of trying to conceive was driving me insane. You have to wait for the right few days for even the possibility of fertilizing an egg. Then you have to wait some days, maybe a week or so, dreading the possible signs of failure. Of course that isn’t an exact science, so each day that passes brings more and more anticipation and anxiety. The weight of the anxiety was so much to bear. I completely melted down on the couch one night, Hollywood style: stretched out, arm thrown over my face, violent sobs filling the room as I complained to Jake how hard it was waiting. I wailed on and on about how emotionally I couldn’t handle a year of trying before we could get medical help. To this day, I do not know how women who struggle with fertility carry on each day. My empathy grew for them by leaps and bounds from that experience. Not that I know exactly how they feel, but I think I got a small taste of what it might be like.

To our surprise (and admittedly my relief) we received the happy news that our efforts paid off the following month! I was in hopeful disbelief, scared to take more than two tests for fear that results would be negative. I wanted to get tested by a medical professional before I felt secure that this was real, but I was surprised when the doctor’s office didn't want to see me for 10 weeks! They did tell me that the home tests are generally 99% accurate, so I think it was that point that I decided to let myself accept it and start to get excited.

To be safe, Jake and I decided to wait to share our news until we were out of the woods for an early miscarriage, the 12 week mark. I was bursting with excitement, it was so hard not to blab the news to everyone within hearing distance! But the time finally came where we could let our family and friends in on our little secret. I took this picture to share with everyone:

We did a video call with each set of parents, slyly telling them we wanted their opinion on a picture I took. Naturally they were all ecstatic that another grand baby was coming to the family.

For the gender reveal, we were fortunate enough to be visiting Jake's family for Thanksgiving, so we took advantage of the opportunity and made cupcakes stuffed with blue frosting for a family dinner dessert. After they all bit into (or broke in half) the treats, we had a video call with my parents so they could open a box of balloons they popped to find blue confetti. Overall, I was so touched by the amount of excitement and love our families showed in these early stages.  I am so grateful that Jake and I have such an amazing, supportive family.

I was truly blessed with an easy, uncomplicated pregnancy from the start. Nausea in my first trimester was limited and usually controlled if I snacked every couple of hours. My second and third trimesters had their general discomforts, but I wouldn't have ever classified my physical state as utterly miserable, like I think a lot of pregnant women are. I never felt desperate for the baby to come, begging it to leave. I tried to just cherish the opportunity I had to even be pregnant, to have this baby, and I strived to exert patience and be understanding that he would come in his own time.

The real curveball for me came when I was about 5 months along. I think there are two general schools of thought about how childbirth should be done: non-medicated aka “natural” birth and then the medicated variety. I personally am all about drugs. I had zero desire to feel any pain in childbirth whatsoever. There are women out there that choose to do it without drugs and I say more power to them. But I was not one of those women. Thus the curveball.

When I was 12 I was diagnosed with a platelet dysfunction where my blood doesn't clot properly. We met with a Hematologist and a High Risk Maternal and Fetal medicine doctor at the U of U to determine how my condition was going to impact the birth process. It was decided that an epidural was not advisable, as the risk of causing a bleed was too high. Such a bleed could lead to serious problems, including neurological damage, so the epidural was thrown out the window. YIKES.

We took a couple of classes to help us prepare to face birth without medication and read a couple books. But I was still scared out of my mind about the impending pain. I had Jake, my Dad and a few of my brothers give me a blessing a couple weeks before my due date to help calm my nerves. During the blessing I felt this overwhelming peace and comfort, knowing my Savior would be there beside me, knowing the pain I was enduring and helping me through. I am so grateful for the gift of Priesthood blessings.

The day before my 41 week mark we had our weekly check up with my OB. I had finally dilated to a 1 so we decided to go ahead and induce labor. I was so excited and terrified at the same time! The doctor had said he wanted to do it the following night but after talking to the hospital, we were told to come that very night! This was a little comical as we had about 4 hours to make the 1 hour drive home, make the last few preparations, load up the car and dog and drive the hour back to the hospital.

Flash forward to arriving at the hospital around 8:00 pm Tuesday night. We checked in and they had us sit for a few minutes in the waiting room. Suddenly my nerves started to kick in. But I took a few deep breaths and I was whisked away to my room. The nurse had Jake wait for a few minutes while she got me settled in, which we both found a little peculiar. But when she asked me if I felt safe at home, it clicked. Not everyone having a baby is bringing them into a safe part of the world. There may be domestic violence involved. I was instantly struck with an immense sense of gratitude that I had a loving man at my side, someone that makes me feel safe, to not only help me through birth but to also raise this little boy with.

Around 10:00 pm my OB rolled into the room to place the Foley Bulb and start me on Pitocin. The procedure was quick and easy, all done within a matter of minutes. We talked about what to expect of the progression of labor and planned not to see the doc again until the morning. Luckily he had a contingency plan for the on call doc.

Within an hour or less I started to feel contractions. I was able to manage the waves of discomfort on my own through imagery but found myself needing massage to help relax fairly quickly. It had been explained to me that I would feel the bulb come out once I was dilated to a 4 or so, but I honestly didn't notice. After using the bathroom at one point I noticed a bloody fluid run down my leg. Around 2:00 am the nurse checked me and I was dilated to a 5!

Shortly thereafter the on call doc walked in saying my OB had called and wanted him to break my water. I had expected that to be such a bigger deal than it actually was. Although the nurse had definitely made me nervous beforehand, saying contractions were going to be suddenly more intense. I honestly thought things progressed in a very natural way.

I ended up stalling at a 6 for several hours. At one point a nurse offered to turn down the Pitocin to give me a bit of a break, but I didn't see any point in stalling the inevitable. I did decide to take a dose of IV Fentanyl to try and take the edge off. I was able to rest for around 20 minutes but it seemed to wear off as quickly as relief came. I tried a second dose about 2 hours later but got no relief.

The pain became incredibly intense as I progressed to a 7 and beyond. An inspired nurse showed us how to do counter pressure, which did make the pain slightly more manageable. But what really got me through was my amazing husband Jake.

I had been nervous before getting to that point how Jake would be and if I would be able to rely on him. I was surprised at how quickly and easily he supported me and how encouraged I felt. He stood by my side through every contraction, locking my gaze and breathing with me. He was so attentive, patient and dedicated to my needs.  He seemed to know just what I needed to hear in the moment I needed it, telling me I could do it or talking about things that would take my mind off the pain.

Having Jake cheer me on through the birth of our son was the most amazing thing I think our relationship has ever experienced. There were moments of intense pain I could see tears well up in his eyes, but he never wavered in helping me through. Despite being on his feet constantly for easily 13 hours, he never showed signs of fatigue. His focus was so solid, he never thought about his own needs. He was so purely selfless, it was astounding.

My need for his presence surprised me. I had a moment of pure panic where my head was buried in the bed railing, my breathing erratic and my mind completely out of control. I was consumed by the immense, unending pain I was in. The nurse was trying to help me get back in control but her efforts were in vain. Jake recounted the experience later to me of being on the opposite side of the bed and suddenly realizing I wasn’t going to listen to anyone but him. He literally had to dodge the millions of carts of medical equipment scattered throughout the room and climb over his bed to get in my face and calm me down. I remember him calling my name in a commanding but loving way and saying, “I’m here. Focus on me.” I literally could not have done it without him. My love and appreciation for my husband deepened more than I ever thought possible from this experience.

The urge to push started as early as I was dilated to a 7, I think around 8:00 am. Tears poured down my face, blurring my vision as I focused on Jake and breathed through each and every contraction. I’m not clear on exactly when the complete exhaustion set in, but by this point I was passing out between contractions. I vaguely remember Jake and the nurses commenting on my pattern but I literally couldn't help myself. Our two angels, I mean nurses, patiently worked with us trying to help find more comfortable positions. One ended up being in charge of the counter pressure on my knees and the other let me vice grip her hand to death through each contraction.

Slowly but surely I got close enough for the nurse to call the doc to come and catch the baby. He was 10 minutes away and it became apparent that she was nervous he wouldn't make it in time. Each time she called the nursing station she would say, “I do not want to catch this baby!” She even contacted the on call doc to come right away but he asked to stall for a few minutes. Her response was priceless: “Okay, but the minute you hear screaming, you better come running!” (I was struggling not to push and screaming in frustration at my inability to control it.)

Fortunately my OB arrived right about the moment I finally reached a 10. He put on his gown and gloves and instructed me to go ahead and push. I was surprised at how almost instinctive it was. The doc and nurse did have to tell me to wait for the contractions and that my energy would be more productive if I held my breath rather than scream as I tried pushing. With that coaching I was able to push Eli out in a matter of 20 minutes from the second the doc walked in the door.

As they laid him on my stomach, the shock and exhaustion were so pervasive I couldn’t put two words together to even form a thought. I just laid there trembling with one hand on his head and the other on his bum, maybe saying “Oh my Gosh” on repeat. The next several minutes were an exhausted blur of the doctor birthing the placenta, pain from him digging for the fragmented pieces (you read that right), getting stitches and trying to focus on seeing what was going on with my baby.

I remember catching a glimpse of Jake holding Eli at my bedside trying to show him to me, with tears in his eyes. I so desperately wanted to be all in that moment but the pain from what the doc was doing was so intense, I couldn’t block it out. I am so heartbroken I missed those first moments with my husband and son, it wasn't at all what I had pictured or imagined.

The pain finally stopped and Jake placed Eli in my arms. I couldn’t help but cry with disbelief at what we had accomplished. We did it! All those moments of pain where I doubted had been wrong. I pulled through.

It took the help of nurses, pillows, some food and juice for me to have the strength to hold him much longer than a few moments, but I eventually had the mental capacity to fall in love with my son. My long awaited moment came after a short nap while Eli was taken to the nursery for a bath and some blood tests.

The nurse woke me up to tell me that our journey wasn't yet over: Eli needed to be admitted to the NICU due to some abnormal levels on a test that indicated a possible infection. She was able to allow us a few moments to snuggle our baby before she needed to whisk him away and that's when it happened. In that peaceful quiet moment I had to hold him, I looked into his beautiful face and an overwhelming sense of love and joy washed over me. I am so grateful for the nurse’s sensitivity to my personal situation and her thought to offer us that small moment.

The next few days were frought with an endless wave of sadness and longing to be with my baby. It seemed there were countless distractions that required our absence from the NICU, which was so emotionally challenging. I wanted to be there for every feeding, to spend time just holding our little one and being together as a family. But we couldn't seem to manage to get more than an hour at a time to do that. Even the night that I asked them to call for a feeding they never did, as he became hungry in the middle of shift change. My heart ached to be with my baby.

I was an absolute mess the day I was released from the hospital. Knowing we had to leave without Eli was like a slow poison. I felt emotionally despondent, like nothing mattered. It seemed like I lacked the ability to laugh that day, that the world held no excitement. We were blessed to be visited by some friends who had gone through a very similar experience with the birth of their son. It was so helpful to know my feelings were normal and that there were people in our corner that knew exactly what we were going through.

Jump to the following day when Eli was discharged and a flood of emotions starkly opposite to those experienced the day before. We were overjoyed that we were finally going to be able to take our baby home, to be united as a family without interruption. In my eyes, nothing could go wrong that day. Everything went off without a hitch and by noon we were on our way with our sweet baby Eli. I don’t know that I had ever experienced a joy so pure as I did that day.

Here we are a few weeks later, a little sleepless, but loving our baby just as much as we did that day. As hard as some days are, I would take the lack of sleep and occasional feelings of uncertainty about my capacity a thousand times over instead of having to be parted by the NICU. For years I told myself I was ready for a baby but I have realized I don’t think I really was emotionally mature enough for it until now. I am grateful for the Lord's knowledge of my capacity, for His time table and his willingness to entrust Jake and I with one of his precious children. We are truly so blessed and so happy to be a little family.

I absolutely love seeing Jake's deep love for our baby. It has been so apparent to me since the moment he was born (despite my exhausted stupor). I love watching him play with Eli, even though his reciprocation is extremely limited at this point. I always knew Jake was going to be a great Dad, but to see it in action is one of the most beautiful blessings I am grateful to witness first hand.

Breaking the Silence

A few weeks ago in a conversation with my Father-in-law, he pointed out that I haven't written a post in some time. Many of you know that it has been a VERY challenging couple of months for Jake and I. But before I get into that, there are some good memories to share.

Reviewing the blog the other night, I was surprised to find I haven't written about the newest addition to our family - our dog Bear! He is the love of our life, our baby! Yes, we call him "Baby Bear," "Baby- Boo" and we even refer to each other as "Mommy" and "Daddy." Yep, we're THOSE kind of people. We even took two recent family photos along with Bear. :)

As much as we love him, he definitely challenges us - particularly in our patience. We have found that we're not as patient of people as we once thought we were. But he is so much fun to have in our home. He started out as an EXTREMELY anxious dog and has made so much progress in the three short months we've had him. We love to watch him chase his toys, play tug-of-war and even sleep. We've become some of those people that can only talk about one thing - since we don't have kids yet, that would be Bear! 

In an effort to keep the rest of this short but informative, here are a few pics and blurbs of what we've been up to the last few months:

My work in Denver somehow got us connected with inexpensive hockey tickets! So naturally we had to hit up a Blackhawk's game (Chicago team.) It was interesting sitting in the Avalanche section, but we had a good laugh getting all the strange looks from cheering on the "opposing" team.

This little cutie is one of my nieces. I had the opportunity to go visit my brother and his little family near San Diego, California a few weeks ago. "E" is the sweetest, happiest little girl there ever was! I kept telling her parents she was trouble 'cause hanging with her made me want one of my own! ;)

During my visit to California, we did a little bit of sight seeing in San Diego. This is a Japanese Friendship garden in the middle of the city. I couldn't help but snap a bunch of pics of this gorgeous place!

Visiting the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco! It was a bit cold and we had been in the car traveling up the coast for a couple hours, so E's face is pretty appropriate. But isn't she still adorable?!

A street performer on a pier in San Francisco. Yes, he is balancing on a metal ladder, on a stage, juggling, and cracking jokes. One of the most hilarious things I've ever witnessed in my life. Totally made the walk down the pier worth it!

The day after I flew back to Salt Lake from California, Jake and I flew to Denver to officially move all of our belongings back to Utah. After a grueling process, a lot of confusion and stress, we finally made it onto the road. I couldn't believe how blue the sky was on our drive!

Our new townhome (rental) hasn't been without its complications. One day I went into the basement and found a bunch of water. We had just connected our washing machine and evidently it wasn't connected correctly and leaked into the basement... Yikes! Luckily it took like nothing to get it fixed and good to go.

With A LOT of spare time on my hands while I wait for my resume to find the right job, I've tried my hand at adult coloring books. This is my first completed creation. I'm really proud of how it turned out. It's good to have a creative outlet from time to time!

For the past 6 weeks I've been participating in a health challenge with one of my brothers, his wife and her family. It's been amazing to be making simple changes and finding the continued drive within to make healthier choices. My body definitely feels the difference. This pic is one I snapped on an evening walk with Jake and Bear. Feels great to be getting out in the nice weather!

Jake's birthday was just a couple weeks ago. In an effort to keep things simple, I had a friend take this pic of Bear and I to frame for a gift. I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. :) 

Lastly, Jake had requested a Mint Chocolate Chip Ice-cream cake for his birthday dessert. I was amazed at how well it turned out! So delicious! 

And that's the last couple of months! As mentioned earlier, we've had a difficult time overall, which stems from the plant Jake ran in Denver closing down. We made the very difficult decision to move back to Logan. I had to leave a job I loved and we've had to make some financial sacrifices because of it. We weren't convinced moving back was the best choice - and we're still not - but it has been fairly good to us. Every few days I go back through all of the emotions of this move - the hurt, the anger, the frustration - and try to make sense of it. It has been really hard to adjust and to maintain a positive outlook, even though I know it will make sense in time.

Then I ran across a pin on Pinterest the other night that really struck home.

I have a lot to learn and a long way to go on this, but I think I'm finally making some progress on these stages. Thank you to everyone that has endured my endless complaining, whining and random ventings about this situation. I really appreciate your patience as I become more accepting and gain more insight in my life. 

Brush With the Law

This morning I came out to my car to go to work and found an unpleasant surprise waiting for me in the parking lot.

... But before I get too ahead of myself, let me fill you in a pre-cursor. Remember that massive snow storm when we found that dog roaming about? JUST before I got home, I slid on some ice into a curb, majorly bending the rim on my right front tire.

Last Saturday Jake and I finally got a replacement part. We were going to take the car somewhere this weekend to get the new rim put on. As you can imagine, the hubcap was kinda hanging off the wheel of the tire with the bent part. So I had pulled it off the car and put it in my backseat to avoid losing it in the coming days.

... So back to the original story... As I'm walking down the side-walk up to my car, I spotted something from a far. Something that looked like a hub cap. Like my hub cap. The one that was supposed to be in my back seat... I was confused...

When I got close enough, I picked it up and sure enough, it LOOKED like my hubcap... I rounded the car next to mine and examined the front tire: all good. Next, back passenger tire:

... And this is what I found...

Yep, that's right. Wheel missing entirely, drum sitting right on the ground... I was in disbelief.

As a bit of profanity slipped my lips and I examined the other side, an on-looker said to me, "Yeah, you didn't see that before?" I informed him I hadn't been to my car the entirety of the weekend. He proceeded to tell me, "Yeah, we noticed it before..." and I can't tell you the rest of what he said 'cause my mind was reeling. 

The kind gentleman broke my daze by standing up from a kneeling position to hand me the lug-nuts he had found under the truck next to me.

I thanked him for the info and started calling Jake. Unfortunately he was already on his way to work and didn't see my 6 or so missed calls until he got all the way there... 

In the meantime I snapped these photos, confirmed the hubcap on the ground was the one from my back tire (not the one in my backseat) and called into work to take the day off. No way I was gonna make it in at a reasonable time with this mess on my hands. I got inside and called the police...

I initially called the non-emergency number. The first recording said if I was reporting a crime in progress, I should call 911. At the time, I thought that might accurately describe my situation, so I did. First time in my life. When the operator realized it wasn't something happening right then, she referred me back to the non-emergency number. After calling them, I was then referred to the website to make a police report... 

Maybe it's all the Criminal Minds I've been watching, but I kinda expected a cop car to show up, along with a Crime Scene Investigator with their fingerprinting kit... But obviously I was pretty off-base. Which in a way felt cheap, unjustified... I know ridiculous. I guess the non-response, coupled with the violation of my car's safety made me feel pretty alone and vulnerable. Not a fun feeling. 

Jake had got my message and called and decided to come home to help me straighten out the mess, so by the time I finished the report, he was home. He assessed the damage, jacked the car back up, put on the spare and moved my car under the carport. Long, boring story short, after another junk-yard run and trip to the tire store, both rims were put on, along with a brand-new tire. The car is now running good as new, thankfully!

It was so weird to actually be a victim of a legitimate crime, even though it was minor comparatively. My sympathy has definitely increased for people that have had much worse done to them, I can't imagine the immense sense of fear, vulnerability and how much major crimes would rock someone's world...

Stay safe my friends.

Dog for 3 Hours

This past Saturday brought a heavy snow storm to Denver along with a little excitement! Jake had his tires replaced at Walmart so I had just taken him back to pick up his car when its tail wagged right past my legs. At first I thought it was a bird... I was so confused as I furiously looked around... Next thing I know, there's a big ole black dog jumping up on me! Hello!

This was THE SWEETEST dog I've ever met. It just happily trotted in circles around me, brushing up against my legs occasionally wanting to be stroked. I stopped in my tracks and looked around for an owner. No sign. No tags. Snow DUMPING down. I realized I couldn't just walk away like my first inclination tempted me to do. So with several prompts, kissing noises and slapping my knees, I was able to coax the dog into my apartment. Yep, hide yo' dogs, cause the snatcher is about!

I grabbed a towel and dried him off well right before he started bolting around every square inch of our 2 bedroom apartment. It was entertaining and yet anxiety-provoking at the same time. What is he getting into? Wow! He can clear the couch in one bound? Not the garbage! Somebody's friendly! After a few minutes, he calmed down enough to sit by me while I stroked him and waited for Jake to get home. He walks in with a bewildered look on his face...

We try calling around, using several different numbers, to contact Animal Control. Apparently they're closed on Saturdays at 4:00 p.m., which I found kind of surprising. I guess I expected someone to be available 24/7. Finally I got connected to the Shelter in Denver and was told we could bring the dog into their facility. Jake picked him up, put him in the back of the car and we made the what-should-have-been-a-half-hour-but-really-an-hour-and-fifteen-minute drive just to find out there was only a Night Drop. Literally a cinder-brick room with one wall lined with locker-like compartments you stick the animal in and leave... Really? I mean, really? Couldn't do it.

I am one blessed woman, with an amazing, merciful husband. As soon as I told him what was inside, he agreed to keeping the dog for the weekend and putting up some flyers to hopefully find the owner. Worst case scenario, we don't find the owner by Monday and end up taking to a shelter after all. Relieved, I climb back in the car and we voyage back into the snow storm, headed home.

Throughout the drive both ways, we both fell in love with this silly mutt. He loved sticking his head out the window despite the cold, snowy and windy conditions. At every opportunity he would try to jump up front into our laps. If he couldn't get through, he'd lay his head on our shoulders. He managed to dodge our attempts to block him a few times and we ended up with a full sized dog on our laps-- sometimes while stopped at a light or when he just needed extra attention and love. S.O. incredibly A.D.O.R.A.B.L.E.

After another hour and fifteen minute snowy crawl home, we stopped over at PetCo to stock up on food and a leash for bathroom breaks to get us through the next 24 hours or so. We got back to the car and the windows were completely covered in fog. Who knew a dog could fog up windows in 10 minutes?  Haha! He was so relieved we were back!

As soon as we returned to the complex and started up the walk to our apartment, we heard a man calling out. The dog stopped in his tracks and stared at the man across the courtyard. We called out to him and sure enough, it was the dog's owner! So bittersweet! We had really fallen in love and were looking forward to keeping him a few hours and then it was kinda pulled out from underneath us... But overall we hope he is happy in this guy's care.

We absolutely loved caring for a dog for a short time. Looking forward, anxiously, to that time in our lives when we can finally have one of our own!

Catching Up

Well it's been a century and a half since I last wrote. It's been a busy few months!

In November I finally found work in Denver. Yay!!! The funniest part was that I basically found two jobs at the same time. I had signed up with a staffing agency in the area and they placed me at DISH Network doing screening for their hiring process. I really loved it. I loved getting a taste of working in HR, doing phone interviews with people and the people I worked with were awesome.

After a few days of work, I got a call saying I had got a job in Social Work which I had interviewed for about a month previous. What??? Blessings rolling in! But it also put me in a strange spot where I loved what I was doing, but had a chance to further my career... Ultimately I took the new job (higher pay with benefits won out.) I completed a whopping two weeks at DISH, which I felt bad about doing to them, but I think I'm where I'm supposed to be in the long run.

I've been working at North Metro Community Services since mid-November 2014. I coordinate services for people with disabilities. It's really complicated to explain, so I'll just leave it at pushing papers and attending lots of meetings. It's a great fit for me, for now. I love being back in the game of more directly helping people. Admittedly, I was really nervous about working with this population at first. But as I've met more and more of my clients, I feel myself falling in love with their sweet spirits and developing "Mama Bear" tendencies in their defense. I'm so grateful for answered prayers!

Thanksgiving 2014 was spent with my family in Utah. It was a quick trip, but desperately needed. It was fantastic to connect with my siblings and enjoy the meal together. In my adult life, I hadn't figured my family to be one of those tight-knit groups, but this holiday season made me realize that we are... at least more than most. We each have our own lives and honestly don't communicate as much as we probably could, but at the end of the day we have each others' backs. You can pass the "Most Amazing Family" award right on over. :)

Early December marked my brother Reed's sealing to his wife Kimberlee. Such an incredible accomplishment for them. It was such a beautiful experience to see them in the temple, to see how their natures have been changed by Christ, to feel of their powerful spirits. Reed, if you're reading this, I'll never forget that moment we hugged. It was a powerful moment for me where all resentment was simply washed away, replaced by profound love. If any of you have ever experienced something like that, you'll know how special of an experience that can be.

Christmas time was spent with Jake's family. We were really looking forward to getting that quality time we only get once a year. The drive out was a quick 16 hours! The change of scenery was so fun, going from Denver through Kansas and Missouri. The mantra of the beginning of the trip was: "That's Kansas, baby!" with a subsequent high five. Haha. Everything's better in Kansas (compared to Nebraska): there are trees, the rest stops provide magazines for your restroom use and the sunset was epic. Although there was quite the stench in the air from who knows what... haha! We spent the night in Independence, which was really cool to be where there was so much church history. Unfortunately I wasn't feeling the greatest, otherwise we would have done some exploring on day 2.

To avoid a play-by-play, the trip overall was tainted by: car troubles in St. Louis, Jake on antibiotics for Bronchitis, limited time with each member of Jake's family, topped off with food poisoning that lasted from Christmas Eve to two days after Christmas. We fortunately ended the trip on a positive note, getting a good quality day with the Burzlaff clan the day we left. But as we drove away, we both lamented the time lost being ill and not getting quality time as we had expected.

The week after we got back, we flew back to Utah for a baptism of a close family friend/ my "adopted" sister. Truly the most spiritual baptism I've ever attended in my life. I realized a few things about my faith that day and the way I want to teach my children if/when I have that opportunity.

My apologies for the lengthy post. I had intended to share a few things I've learned about life in the past few months... I've been planning to hold back and see what more I learn in the coming year, but recently I have felt passionate about a few things and wanted to break the silence. To save your time and stay true to the original idea, I'll say a few final words that will hopefully suffice:

Respect people's rights to feel and believe whatever they will. Just because their ideas may not be socially appropriate/acceptable, reflect fairness or not match your beliefs, respect their rights. Too often people are forced to conform by laws or social influences. Wasn't this country founded on the concept of freedoms? Stop trying to prove your point. Say your peace, move on and respect others, like your mama probably taught you. 

That's all for now. Thanks for listening and bearing through my reflections.

Halloween Haunts

With all the time I've had on my hands lately, I have been looking for creative outlets. My Mom was always super festive for any holiday. She would cover the house in nick-knacks the kids had made over the years and products of her creative genius. She would even go to lengths such as dying all the food red for Valentine's Day or green for St. Patrick's. Now that I'm a "home-maker," I thought it was time to start building my "festivity repertoire." Here are some of this year's decorations:

Simple leftover cardstock from a previous craft, colored by me

I saw books like this at Michael's (where I purchased the skull/raven) and they wanted around $12 for it. I thought to myself, "I could easily make that." Bit of black cardstock, tape and some tracing later, wah-la!

Had some left-over white canvas fabric and whipped these up in just a couple minutes.

The hat came pre-made, I just applied a bit of tape and learned to tie a floral bow from Youtube. Simple but fun!

Michael's had an awesome sale, which as mentioned before, is where I got a lot of my decorations. I just think this candlestick is kinda fun and adds a touch of "eery" to the room. 

This is probably what I'm most proud of. I found the picture online and had a blank canvas. I really haven't done any painting since High School, so the fact that I was able to create something I'm proud of after all this time is kinda an awesome win. 

I had a lot of fun making/arranging these "creations." I can't wait til I can be that crazy neighbor with the decked-out yard that all the neighbor kids want to hit up on their Trick-or-Treating route!

Tonight we're headed to "The 13th Floor," Colorado's scariest haunted house. Apparently it's been featured on things like news programs and the Discovery Channel. We're both a bit apprehensive, but also looking forward to spending time with other couples from our ward. Hopefully we can keep our wits about us!

First Denver Adventure

About a week ago we were finally able to get out and enjoy the Denver area a bit. Our time here has primarily been saturated with Jake working and me job hunting/watching Netflix. Unfortunately, I'm not one of those extroverts who can go on adventures by themselves... I really wish we could get a dog so I could go on walks or play at the park... We just don't have the room right now.

But back to the happy news! A couple weeks back we had talked about going to this place called Estes Park, which is supposedly the "gateway" to Rocky Mountain National Park. I got sick halfway there so we had to turn around. So about a week ago on Saturday, we were finally able to do something about our boring life. We didn't quite make it to Estes, being that it's an hour and a half drive one way, so we went for Lair O' the Bear park instead.

To kick our "Fun Day" off, I slowly awoke to the smell of bacon... yum! I opened my eyes and there's a big ole plate of it! (With eggs and toast-- attached to the arm of a doting husband.) I've always wanted someone to bring me breakfast in bed, so I was S.T.O.K.E.D!

After a lazy morning in bed, we packed our water bottles, Camelback, camera and power bars and jumped in the car! We spent the hour drive really enjoying the new alternative stations Jake had recently found (he's so excited about this, finally gets to listen to "his" music.) We got a little lost up the canyon, the Google Maps system isn't always the best out here, but it turned out we had found a back way, so it was all good!

As soon as we got out of the car, that wonderful mountain-fall smell washed over us. It was amazing, we were so excited we were actually doing this! Being that we aren't the most avid hikers, we had picked this spot for its easy winding trail along this river. Such a gorgeous place! My family used to go to a similar spot up Provo canyon every fall for a BBQ, so it brought back some really warm memories for me.

Here are a few pics I snapped along the way:

We reached the car just in time to get out of the rain. We ended up stopping in a teeny tiny little town called Morrison for lunch- we were starved! We were hungry prior to our hike and luckily had some of those power bars to hold us over. We stopped in this little corner burger joint where Jake got the classic and I got a Philly Cheesesteak. So delicious! We both ate contently, reflecting on the day and how great it was to spend time like this as a couple again. :)

The night ended with a viewing of "Meet the Mormons." If you don't know what that is, it's a documentary-type film that explains a bit about who we are (normal people) and what we believe (we are centered on Christ. If you'd like to learn more, click here.) 

All in all, a really, really, REALLY great day. :) So grateful for the opportunity to explore and reconnect with the hubs. :) Looking forward to many many more adventures.